Mindful parenting when you have lost your mind

I am talking about one of those moments. Those moments when they were both screaming for different and what seem very trivial reasons.

I mean come on you two. Bug is upset he can’t find a particular action figure when he has twenty others to choose from and Bear is freaking out because she cannot find her other Elmo slipper. In my mind I am thinking, “really guys don’t you know there are children starving in 3^rd world countries and wars going on?”

At these moments I am out of my mind with stress. I ramp up into the same heightened state of agitation they are in and I am now freaking out about action figures and slippers AND starvation and wars. One of my common failings as a mom is that when I find myself out of my mind, my first priority should be to get back in there.

That is so easily done while I sit here at a computer free of the distractions of screaming toddlers. From here I can picture myself stopping in the chaos. Taking that deep cleansing breath and then calmly solving each calamity for them all while teaching them just to calm their mind and then look while not agitated. Look there is the guy on the floor by the table. The slipper simply got covered up by a blanket.

Don’t think for a moment that is what happened. I madly searched for this action figure and didn’t find it until I stepped on it. I tossed things about trying to find the slipper and never noticed it was sitting right there on the couch the whole time. And then I raised my voice and said, “really you two just CALM DOWN”

That is right calm down while mommy is flipping out.

I know I am not the only one who does this. I know I am not the only mom who finds herself incapable of mindful parenting because somehow my mind has fallen out and rolled under the table next to the missing action figure. It just seems like I should get better with practice but don’t.

So to that end I will be reading more books on mindful parenting and just mindful meditation for the next couple months. As I come across good stuff I will share it with you all.

First an introduction....

I have no idea what I am doing.

I say this daily in my practice and in my parenting.

So let me begin with the basics. What I do know.

I know the Buddhist path calls to my rational side but part of me still flows with the moon and the seasons. I know my meditation is sub par and that here in the intensely agricultural Midwest finding a Dharma Center for formal instruction without driving for a few hours is like finding a unicorn in a corn field.

I know I am a Buddhist whose main instructors are contained within the pages of books.

So why don’t you drive to find instruction? Well….

Because I have two babes who like having a very engaged mommy. As I write this my Bug is three and my Bear is soon to be two. They are quite the pair and so fascinatingly unique.

My Bug is my extrovert. He is learning to tell jokes these days (really bad knock knock jokes off kids programming), he is all about his super heroes, and he climbs stuff at the park and gives me minor heart attacks. Everyone is his friend and he doesn’t hold back on the information he will share with you. Oh and his favorite word is “why”.  He is happy go lucky, has his meltdown, recovers quickly and moves on little man.  He is my husband cloned.

My Bear is the polar opposite of her brother in personality with a few big similarities. She is not a fan of a crowded room and strangers are to be regarded with suspicion. But once she knows you, the words never stop. She is my dancer and all music is to be honored with a dance. She is a big fan of a certain red furry monster and his fairy friend. She is my serious thinker and a person of extremes. When she is happy she is intensely happy and when she is mad….well the Devil runs for the hills. She thinks heights are for climbing. She is my mini-me.

Then there is me. I am a full time working mom. I gave them formula, used disposable diapers and had them immunized. That covers the big controversial topics right? And if you did it differently than me than that’s okay too.

I do let them watch television but screen it. I do let them have cookies. I do give into whining more often than I should. My house is cluttered. Sometimes I give them chicken nuggets and mac n cheese for dinner.

I would like to be that Earth Goddess Mother who is centered and calm. Who weathers each tantrum like reeds weather wind and rains. I would like to be someone who serves fantastic meals like those I see on the cover of parenting magazines. I would like to be a studied Buddhist who can discuss the Dharma and my practice on all levels. But the only thing I am really learned in these days seems to be Public Television Children’s programming and legos.

But there is this nagging voice in the back of my head. It is talking about how they are getting older and the tougher questions are coming. Not that “why” isn’t a tough question but the subjects that “why” are connected with are pretty much limited to eating dirt, climbing bookshelves and bashing Bear on the head with foam swords. The subject matter is easy and the answers cut and dry, “because dirt isn’t food for people, the bookshelf isn’t a ladder and it’s not nice to bash people in the head with foam swords.  That’s WHY”

And I know there are others out there like me. Imperfect moms, serving chicken nuggets, watching these little people develop a greater understanding of their world as it expands and wondering “how do I make them good people?”

This blog is about my imperfect journey through Buddhist practice and motherhood. It’s about my quest to nourish their minds and souls with something other than the equivalent of spiritual chicken nuggets. And my biggest hope is as I go along I will find others like me. Not so much other Buddhist moms who have no time to access formal training (although that would be a bonus) but more just other mom’s who feel like often times they fall short. I am on a quest to gather around the hearth the other moms with the mental image of the person they want to be and the clear vision of who they are and the willingness to try to bridge that gap.