Morning mayhem and hugs

Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.
..................................... Buddha

One of my favorite quotes.

When I was in graduate school I turned to this quote often. I told myself I had discovered my world via my passion for protecting and preserving our water resources. This was the entire focus of my heart and when I entered my professional life I felt complete.

Then I had a baby.

Now you might think I am going to go down the line of thinking that through becoming a mom I found my world. But really that’s not what happened. Through having my children I discovered the world beyond my world and that my true work is to better it through my own heart and by raising the hearts of my children to be full of compassion and love.

This morning was a crazy one. Currently, the morning is mine to handle getting two toddlers out the door. And these are two toddlers still riding the high of an exciting weekend with grandparents, birthday presents and way too much sugar in the form of frosting.

The Bear came running around the corner from the kitchen to the playroom and for lack of a better term she bit it and ended up on her bum. Her back hit the piano leg and she started to cry.

Bug, who was happily playing with his new checkers in the kitchen came to investigate the crying and actually got to her before I did. He pulled her up and hugged her. I came over to make it a group hug and the tears ended.

That moment though I felt like something was going right in a morning when we were running late, I couldn’t find Bear’s shoe and the cat vomited on the stairs.

I am doing my work to the best of my ability and my heart is fully invested in a Bug and a Bear who have shown me the world.

A simple moment, a simple truth

The Bear turns two this week. I am amazed to even type that. Where did the time go?

This morning she crawled up on my lap and asked me to read a book to her. The book is about a big rabbit and a small rabbit exploring how things grow. How an acorn becomes a tree, a tadpole a frog, a caterpillar a butterfly and so on. At one point in the story the little rabbit asks “Does everything change?”

What a profound question for a children book.

Here it is, 7 am on a Tuesday morning, getting ready for daycare and my daughter asks me simply to read this book she pulled of the shelf. It’s one of her favorite stalling tactics. Still, I almost never say no to reading with them. Like every mom out there I want readers.

But suddenly just reading to her takes on a whole new energy.

Yes, little bunny, everything changes. My little Bear is proof of that because 24 months ago today I didn’t even know what she looked like, 12 months ago today she wasn’t quite able to walk yet and this morning she was pointing out flowers, running through the house looking as much like me as she possibly could.

If there is one thing my kids have taught me, it’s the divine is in the mundane. And the big lessons are in the children books.

The water was fairly calm this morning….and the moon did appear.

How to keep them kind?

I haven’t seen the movie Bully yet. I actually don’t want to watch it but I will because I think it is important.

I’m sure I’m like many parents in that my tolerance for the news and even movies and books changed after having my children. I don’t read news stories about kidnapped or murdered children. I cry with every story about childhood cancer, accidents, natural disasters and war.

But then there are things like having the child who is a victim of the bully or being the parent whose kid grows up to be a bully. These seemingly preventable tragedies that we can’t seem to get a handle on as the news clearly points out. Why is this happening? Did school change? Did we change? Where is this break down starting?

And the problem bothers me on a two fold front. First is what if my kids get bullied? What if my kids are the school nerds? Then what?

Truth is I would rather my children be smart than athletic. I would rather they not be popular and have to deal with all the peer pressures that go with popularity. I wasn’t popular in school. I had a group of friends and we were generally ignored by the popular kids and bullies alike. We were just middle of the road invisible students. Sure there were occasional dramas and there was teenage angst and strife but overall public schooling for me wasn’t scarring. I got a standard education and went to college.

Thinking back I cannot remember anyone in particular who was picked on or bullied in school. Does that mean it didn’t happen? I actually don’t know. I cannot imagine it did not since just the socioeconomic difference in my school was broad. We had kids of doctors who made six figures going to school with kids who didn’t have electricity or clothes that fit. It was pretty mixed in that respect.

Is the fact that I didn’t see it part of the problem?

Or has it changed in the last 20 years?

I have to prepare for that possibility as a parent. So I do things like socialize my kids as best I can. They have playdates and friends. They are in daycare and soon I will be taking our son to a play and learn early preschool a couple days a week to get him familiarized with the idea of school. He has recently started asking to go to school.

I am going to enroll them in marital arts. Not just for the defense but for the discipline and exercise and interaction. It also teaches confidence.

My Bug is a sensitive soul. He loves animals, pleasing mom and dad and while he fights with his baby sister he gets upset when she is sick, hurt or sad. He is smart and has a good memory. Depending on who he grows into he might be the perfect target for a bully being that he is sensitive.

My Bear, well, she represents the other end of the spectrum. She is already assertive. She is determined. She still has stranger anxiety but I see that slipping away more and more as she quickly enters her terrible twos. It is fun to watch this strong little miss emerge and yet in the back of my head a voice says “how do I keep her from becoming a mean girl?”

What if Bug’s sensitivities make him lash out at others? What if Bear’s assertiveness makes her the target? It could go so many ways.

Parenting is confusing and scary when you look at the what if’s.

Anyway, we will be viewing Bully in our house eventually. Sure they are only 2 and 3 but the foundation that will help them navigate through obstacles starts now. I won’t bury my head in the sand in hopes that this goes away, or its better when they get there or that my kids won’t somehow be caught up in this type of behavior. I will prepare for this as best I can and monitor as they grow. Talk to their teachers, know the school administration and know other parents.

At this point the best I can do is raise my children in accordance with the Ten Paramita:

1. Giving or Generosity; *
2. Virtue, Ethics, Morality; *
3. Renunciation, letting go, not grasping;
4. Panna or Prajna "Wisdom" insight into the nature of reality; *
5. Energy, vigour, vitality, diligence; *
6. Patience or forbearance; *
7. Truthfulness;
8. Resolution, determination, intention;
9. Kindness, love, friendliness;
10. Equanimity.

The very goals I fall so short of myself many days.