Not feeling the Buddhism today

So, I'm sick. I'm not a whiny sick person. I'm a grumpy sick person. But at this second I am an extremely pissed off sick person because of this:

http://www.today.com/moms/swapping-letters-candy-trick-or-treat-8C11493000

Video that includes interview and expert opinion: http://www.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/living/2013/10/30/pkg-north-dakota-halloween-obesity-letter.kxjb-kvly.html

A woman in North Dakota has taken it upon herself to make the determination which kids are "obese" in her "opinion" and had them letters indicating as such and basically telling the parents not to let their kids have the Halloween candy.

How many times have you seen the sheer pain in the eyes of a child who has been hurt by words? That is a pain that cuts me to the bone. Like I have recently tried to explain to my soon to be five year old son "words last forever".

Does she really think she will motivate a child this way. Does she think her petty little opinion and letter will be the "wake up call" a parent needs. Does she think that a parent will read this and say "Oh miss Nosey Bitchy Pants says my kid is fat, I should do something about that!" Does she think she is doing something kind and good? DOES SHE THINK AT ALL???

Because if she did think wouldn't the thought about the number of bullied kids committing suicide cross her mind?

I get so conflicted at moments like this because I am angry.  I think I am justifiably angry and while Buddhism tells me to let go of that anger because it causes me more harm, I cannot and DO NOT want to let go of it! Because as soon as I let go of it another bully wins to apathy.

What to do with a woman like this?

Well, here is my idea. This town needs to get a line of people to stand outside her house and steer the children away from this Halloween's wicked witch. As they do so they should put loving messages in each child's pail letting them know each child is unique to the universe. A wall of love and protection to keep the nasty bully at bay. Let Halloween pass her by without any cute goblins knocking on her door.

She is right. It does take a village to raise a child and in this case protect them from the village idiot.

The longest inner dialogue about a smiling goat ever

We made our traditional venture to the orchard this past weekend. I call it traditional because we have been there every year for the past three years. I have three years of pictures from this place that I treasure because it's a mini record of them growing up. I had to work for the smiles this year since sitting still isn't their thing. But at the end of the day I was excited to look through the pictures to see what I had since I was expecting some great smiles. I was flipping through shot after shot on my screen when I saw it... a picture of a goat... smiling at me.

I'm attaching the shot at the end. Trust me I would not write this blog without sharing what might be the coolest, funniest, creepiest picture of a smiling goat ever. His eyes are closed, his mouth curled in the slightest smile, his teeth just barely showing. He is the happiest goat on the face of the planet. He has that "enlightened" look. AND that folks is the thought that started the longest inner dialog about a smiling goat ever. It went like this:

Can a goat be enlightened?
Does a dog have Buddha Nature?
Mu.
No, Baaaaa.
Ha ha that's funny, but seriously...
The goat cannot be enlightened because he has been born an animal so he is a lower birth.
You must have the fortunate human birth for enlightenment right? But wait, what is so unfortunate about this goat's birth.
He lives on an apple orchard as part of the petting zoo. 
He spends his days being hand fed treats from kids who pet him and scratch his ears.
He has a nice grassy enclosure he shares with his fellow goat friends.
He is living the high life as livestock go.
I mean what about his current incarnation is UNFORTUNATE?
I'm kind of jealous of this goat's life of leisure.
In fact, I am damn near convinced he reached nirvana and when asked where to go from here he picked "petting zoo goat".

At this point I realized I had spent entirely too much time thinking about the Buddha nature or lack there of in the smiling goat. What matters is I have a picture of the happiest goat you will ever meet and he makes me smile.

I am a hypocrite

This morning started out good. There was some cuddle time, PBS shows, pancakes and bagels and general calm. Then came time to get dressed and go to preschools. The fact that clothing wasn't optional became a huge sticking point. Cooperation was something that only happened in the movies. Mom, I don't care that it's going to be 76 degrees today, I want to wear fleece EVERYTHING! And suddenly there it was, five minutes before we have to be at Noah's preschool and we are getting out the door. Now, small town Iowa means preschool is 6 blocks away but still....

It was crisp outside, like fall should be, and there was a breeze. As a result of that breeze leaves were cascading off the hickory tree. It was a beautiful peaceful sight so I pointed it out to the kids. They immediately ran into the leaf shower and danced and laughed about how pretty it was and tried to catch falling leaves. The morning stress melted away and by the time I was marching Noah into his classroom we were talking about fall and seasons and snow that he is anticipating. The morning was reclaimed and calm restored.

Preschoolers are exhausting. Emotionally and physically and while I LOVE being a mother to my twosome, I have moments that feel just like I am utterly failing. And most of them stem from what I perceive to be my biggest flaw as a mother....I yell.

Um, what? Wait a second there so called "Buddhist Mom"....you YELL?

Hypocrite!

Ya, I agree and that is pretty much what my inner voice is YELLING at me the entire time when I find myself yelling. I'm constantly reading about new techniques and coping mechanisms. I'm always looking for the magic fix that lets me be the calm serene mother who rules the roost with love and equanimity. It doesn't exist. What I need is hard work. What I need is to really focus on a long term behavioral change on my part. Recently, I found The Orange Rhino Challenge and after reading her posts (which sound like my inner dialog) I realized this isn't about creating some wonderful utopia of a family, this is about controlling myself. Starting with letting go of that attachment to the utopia that frankly does not exist.

I'm not quite ready to start the challenge. I'm working at preparing mantras and such to hang up around my home. I'm working on establishing ground rules for myself and the kids in hopes that they are old enough to understand that Mommy is going to try and change this but it would help if they could participate as well. But I would like to engage in this challenge before the holidays. I think of it as a present to myself.

Anyone else who is interested can find more info here:  http://theorangerhino.com/