Taking Inventory

I have been really slacking on the blog. I am finding issues with inspiration. I would like to say it is because I live a mundane life. But alas…that is not true.

When last I wrote we were seeing a light at the end of the tunnel with potty training. Well, we have emerged into that light and we are down to one in diapers. The Bear is even showing interest in the potty herself. It’s bittersweet as always when you realize that the diaper days are finally coming to an end and then realize that it, the diaper days are gone. But we aren’t there quite yet so I won’t dwell.

What I will dwell on is change. There has been a lot of change in the past six weeks.

First of all, when we bought our house, four years ago, we said we were tearing down the old garage that was in horrible disrepair. This spring part of the roof caved in and we realized we couldn’t wait any longer. So last week we tore down the garage. We now have a large open back yard littered with everything from the garage. We will soon be erecting a shed.

Second, I have decided it’s time to make something for myself and I am researching taking my photography to the professional level. I am currently offering free sessions to select people to round out the portfolio. I am studying the advances of DSLR (I learned photography on a film camera). I am looking at business plans and such. It is coming together and I hope to be “ribbon cutting” soon. The goal is to have my own profitable business by the time I am forty.

Which brings me to my final change. I completed another trip around the sun last Sunday and have entered my 37^th year. For some reason this one hit me hard. I think because this is my LATE thirties.

I remember when I turned 30 so many of my older friends and family told me I was going to love my thirties. They were so much better than your twenties. You finally get settled and get to be an adult. Except my thirties have not felt that way at all. The two brightest spots of my thirties are obviously my son and daughter. I also bought a house. But some of the most unsettling times of my life have also happened in my thirties. I have experienced a lot of loss these past seven years. There have been a lot of low moments that tested my faith. There have been times my faith was broken. I have learned a lot about anger, sadness, perseverance and forgiveness in these past seven years and I have more to learn still.

But now I am staring 40 in the face and I have resolved I will lay the stepping stones to get in my forties what I seem to have missed in my thirties. In doing so I will be not only a happier me but a happier mom and a more centered mom. If it means a change in employment, focus of faith, practice or whatever I will find something closer to center. I am looking at the next three years as preparation for a decade. When I hit 47 and begin to stare down 50 I want to look back and say my forties were awesome. After all, when I turn 50 the Bug will be preparing to leave the nest and there will be lots of change coming at me once again. I don’t want to miss these upcoming years because I am too unsettled to enjoy them.

-Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.-

~Thich Nhat Hanh