There is a poem in all of this

Firsts. They get me every time. Every year I let go of their little hands a bit more and let them wander farther away. Every year, every day and every second they change.

Today is the first day of Kindergarten. A full school day with lunch in the cafeteria and buses to ride. A full day of anxious breathlessness teetering on the brink of terror and tears for me. Okay, Okay a LITTLE dramatic but not as much as I wish it were.

Then I see this quote in my Facebook news feed:

"Without change there wouldn't be butterflies" ~unknown

I get so frustrated when the author is "unknown" because I want to read what this is taken from. To me, at least, there is a poem in there. Alas, Google could not help me. But still, there was a poem in there. So, I wrote the poem I wanted this to come from to offer myself some comfort.

Bear with me. I am no poet.

Without change there would be no butterflies
No spring, no summer, no fall
No flowers would turn to red apples
No pink sunsets or bright orange dawn

The moon would stay ever so constant
It would either always rain or not at all
And while there would be no fears to resist
Adventures would no longer exist

Be like the seasons my children
Be like that old restless moon
Be like the cherry and apple trees
Grow, learn and bloom

For without change there would be no butterflies
Oh what a boring world that would be
So, go ahead and grow into your souls
And walk a little farther from me

M Buyck

Getting to know you

Yesterday was a stay home and recover from minor illnesses day with mommy for both the kids. I learn a lot on these days. Mostly, I learn that I'm not very patient and my kids inherited that from me. But, I want to focus on the little things I learned about them yesterday that I didn't know.

Noah:

 I learned he can clean his room to a state of immaculate that no other room in our house measures up to and he can do this on his own. His motivation was pleasing me and hopefully money. 

I learned his drawing skills are really coming along and like most things in Noah's life he would excel with a little bit of focus and application. When do those develop in little boys? He also prefers music with a horn section. 

I learned he hates being outside when its hot and he loves the snow and wishes would had spent more time out in it this past winter. Noted and that will be corrected this winter.

I learned he seemingly cannot go 20 minutes without taking a dig at his sister or breaking something. The front room window fell victim to his physics experiments involving launching action figures out of paper towel tubes yesterday. Additionally, I spent a lot of time playing referee. 

Runa:

I learned she, unlike her brother, loves being outside in the warm air and that a short 20 min walk can really turn her attitude around.

I learned she, like her brother cannot go 20 minutes without taking a dig at him. It got really old.

I learned she seems to have a gift for flower arranging and can make really pretty wildflower bouquets. She likes pairing purple, yellow and white the most.

I learned she loves abstract art. We were flipping through Pinterest looking at different art and I started pinning stuff she said loved. In the end when I looked back it was a large assortment of colorful abstracts. She also liked Monet which made my heart happy.

I am amazed at how they are developing and refining these parts of their personalities that are uniquely their own and yet have hints of Nate and myself in them. 

So that's all I have for today but I fully expect this blog to really pick up in the next couple of weeks as I have big things in the works and this blog will soon serve partially as a platform for discussing some major events.

I don't understand

Well, the title is a little misleading. I do understand...now.

Five days in a work week and many of those days I have to deliver two preschoolers to two different preschools within 15 minutes of each other. Those mornings seem like a half marathon. Even with school almost over there is still that moment when I get into my car after dropping the last kid off and do a small victory dance. We made it with everyone alive and no one in tears.

About halfway through the school year I made a post on social media about how I feel like I just completed an obstacle course and how much I relish that small victory. Many other moms piped up with similar small victories. We joked about how some people want a Nobel Peace Prize but we just wanted peaceful mornings, after school and bedtimes. We shared our small victories.

And then is happened. The "one upper" and "marginalizer" appeared. The person who has it worse, does it better or wants all of us to know what we do really isn't that big of a deal. The person who got four kids to six different places, all at the same time, in 10 feet of snow, uphill both ways during the dustbowl. You know who I'm talking about. We all have them lurking in the friends list.

I ended up deleting the post. I was confused as to why someone would want to ruin a good time like that with such negativity. Why must they take away the small victory? What do they have to gain from acting this way? I just didn't understand.

Then, during a conversation about a completely different topic, I found understanding. These people are insecure and trying to compensate for their own perceived shortcomings. Perhaps they see are trying to cover for a failure or haven't come to terms with disappointments they hadn't expected? They are upset and really do not want the rest of us to be happy.

They are suffering.

So, I won't delete the next post. Instead I will respond with gratitude toward them for further reminding me of how good I have it. I will be grateful for an effective co-parent, kids who eventually do the right and needed thing (even if it means repeating "get your shoes on" fifteen times) and for the small victory that I can find joy in without diminishing others. I will be grateful for a positive spirit and I will be even more mindful to encourage and support.

Mother's day

I have never written a Mother’s day blog. I just realized that a couple days ago. I guess because I don’t give the day a lot of weight. My husband has always tried to make the day special. He has bought gifts and a couple years ago took me out to a really fancy lunch and shopping but really I just wanted to hang out with my kids.

Now they are both in preschool and this week has brought me the school made projects. Runa made me a card with an “I love you” message written by her in large block capital letters. The fact she can write just blows me away. She also covered a jar in tissue paper to make it look like stained glass and filled it with dandelions.

Noah filled out a “about my mommy” sheet. He says I weigh 58 lbs so he wins the favorite kid award. Just kidding! But he also gave me a sunflower sprout they started in school that will find its way into a flowerbed or garden tonight.

These little tokens are so precious to me. The husband brought back a beautiful handmade necklace from his last business trip. It’s really gorgeous and I look forward to wearing it on date night but the time in the garden last weekend and the projects I can see the kids poured their hearts into just for me mean so much. I don’t need or want the store bought flowers or gifts or breakfast in bed. I am more than happy with the effort they put forward to make sure their project for mom was perfect.

That all being said I am taking another step toward my own personal goals. I am in the final design stages of my Etsy shop. I know, I know everyone has an Etsy shop but it is another way of getting my photography out there and seen.

 

On a final note:

It’s been a month since my last blog. At the end of that post I discussed the impending passing of our beloved cat Lynxy. About two weeks after that post she lost the battle. I kept my promise and was there with her until the end. I miss her non-stop “talking” and our nightly chats. She was awesome cat.

Sprouting, living and dying

This will be another of those three part blogs I like to write that sums up life at the moment but I want to warn anyone that the last portion will be about facing the loss of a pet. 

Sprouting:

Two years ago we gave a small garden a try. We put it in the wrong place in our yard. Planted stuff at the wrong time and then let the weeds take it over. 

Last year I researched veggie gardens.  :)

So, currently in the kitchen window we have starter seeds soaking up sunlight. The kids were thrilled to play with dirt in the kitchen and even more excited when the first green sprouts appeared. Noah specifically requested peppers and Runa wanted tomatoes. We will also do green beans, carrots and radishes. I'm also doing potted strawberries and saw potted blueberries recently so I might invest in one of those. We are starting easy with the hardier plants. 

Living: 

I love winter but I also love how in spring we seem to come back alive with the Earth. My kids were hitting the stir crazy threshold with this abnormally cold Midwest winter and finally it seems to have broke. Soccer has started and swim lesson registration is right around the corner. 

Noah, in true Noah fashion, asked to play soccer this year and after two practices wants to quit. It was a long drawn out issue Saturday morning in which again I struggled to find the right words to explain it to him. We discussed following through on our commitments, the importance of not letting our team mates down and the fact that sometimes even things that should be fun require work. He listened and I know he understood from his responses but still I found him wanting to argue his point. His point by the way was strictly "I don't want to go to soccer practice. I want to go to the park"

My counter argument was strictly, "if we have to choose between what we want to do and what is right to do, we have to choose right. That is always best."

He is only five and is displaying the typical five year old need for instant gratification and wanting to control what he does. I know that and that is why next year if he still hates soccer he won't have to play. But even at this age he needs to start understanding how to make the best choice.

Speaking of age....the RueBear turns 4 this Saturday. The hubs and I used our night out this weekend to buy birthday gifts and clothes for her. We discovered she is hard to buy for these days. She had definite likes and style. She also has attitude. She is signing up for dance this fall at her request. I wonder if it will be the same conversation? 

Dying:

Our seeds are sprouting, we are getting out of our winter cocoons, and just as the wheel turns we learned last week our oldest cat is dying. Our beautiful Lynxy had lost half her body weight in just a couple of months. The blood work shows her kidneys have pretty much completely failed. She is not in any pain and still plays, wants loved on, eats and drinks. She is still head kitty of our three. But this will be her last few weeks or months with us. We have told the kids she is sick and she will not get better. Just to give her love when she asks and let her rest. We are giving her a special diet and supplements. But the day will come when she will get really sick. 

She is fourteen. I got her from a shelter after she had been adopted and brought back not once but TWICE for behavior. She is a non-breed standard pixie bob and has by far been the most intelligent cat I have ever lived with. She was our hunter and last August protected her family from a bat that had found its way into the house. In my fourteen years owning her I have never had mice. 

She is also vocal. VERY. VOCAL. And she is a little high strung. I finally gave up on owning curtains. We had to lock the fridge because she learned how to open it. We had to get different sink handles because pixie bobs love water and she learned how to turn it on. We have to keep the toilet handle tight or she flushes it to watch the water swirl (seriously this cat is hell on my water bill). 

Me and her have been together longer than I have known my husband. And I have promised her we will be together on the day she leaves. 

So I guess I will close is stating the obvious. Such is the nature of attachment. It causes suffering. But when the attachment is another life that has enhanced ours and brought us joy the suffering becomes worth it for the joy the memory will bring. 

Children's Books

To me the best way to raise children in any faith is to live the faith yourself. Not just talk about it but really live it and so we strive to live compassionate lives, model generosity and practice kindness. But in all honesty sometimes the words of others are more effective than our own. When I am confounded or troubled I often turn to the Sutras and I realize that it would be nice for my kids to have something similar. So, I started looking for children's books that teach the middle way. We have now read several and each has something wonderful to offer. I am going to quickly recap a few and hope to post another blog in the future with some others.

Buddha at Bedtime by Dharmachari Nagaraja:  This is a series of bedtime length appropriate stories for kids. There are some illustrations but I have found it best to read these myself and then impart them as the "make up a story" time we enjoy before bed. I enjoy the book myself for the writing and the choice of material. This is a good book also for the 8-9 year old reading level so it has a good shelf life for kids as they grow.

Prince Siddhartha: the story of the Buddha by Landaw and Brooke: a retelling of the story in simple language easy for kids to understand. Again there are some illustrations but it's not a picture book and is better used for younger kids as a oral narrative. I like the flow of this book in that it focuses on the big events and puts the enlightenment in terms a child can somewhat understand. Better than I could do by far. My only minus for this book is there is an illustration of Siddhartha emaciated that is a little frightening to younger kids. Just skip that page or do as I did and replace it with another picture.

Moody Cow Meditates and Peaceful Piggies Meditate by Kerry Lee Maclean: This is by far our favorite line in the way of picture books thus far and these are invaluable for introducing children to the concepts of meditation and mindfulness. The story is very easy to relate too for all age groups (including myself) and the illustrations are colorful and fun. There are resources and tips in the back for parents to use these books interactively and we even made a "mindfulness Jar" as described in moody cow for each child. I highly recommend these.

So, this is what we have been reading in our house. As usual I would love recommendations on what we should read next.